Parenting comes with immense responsibility. Every word a parent speaks can shape a child’s confidence, emotional well-being, and self-worth. While some phrases might seem harmless, they can have long-term psychological effects.

Many parents unknowingly use statements that discourage, belittle, or create fear in their children. In this article, we will explore 14 phrases that parents should eliminate from their vocabulary to foster a positive and supportive environment for their children.

1. “Your father/mother is incapable of doing anything!”

When parents criticize each other in front of their children, they create confusion and emotional distress. A child is forced to choose sides, leading to feelings of guilt or self-doubt. They may also start questioning their own abilities, thinking, If my father/mother is incapable, what does that say about me?

Instead, parents should discuss their issues privately and maintain a united front for their children’s emotional stability.

2. “When I was your age…”

Comparing a child’s experiences to your own childhood can make them feel invalidated. The world has changed, and so have challenges. A statement like, “When I was your age, I was much more responsible” may sound motivating, but it actually discourages children.

Rather than comparing, parents should focus on understanding their child’s struggles and guiding them with empathy.

3. “Do I have to tell you this a hundred times?”

Repetition is part of parenting, but frustration often makes parents resort to this phrase. Instead of making children listen, it can cause them to tune out completely.

A better approach would be to say, “I’ve mentioned this before. Let’s figure out how we can solve this together.” This encourages communication rather than making the child feel like they’re a burden.

4. “It’s not a big deal.”

To a child, their emotions are very real. Whether it’s a broken toy or a friendship problem, dismissing their feelings makes them feel unheard. When a parent says, “It’s not a big deal,” the child might feel ashamed of their emotions and hesitate to express themselves in the future.

A better response would be, “I see this is upsetting for you. Let’s talk about it.” This validates their emotions and helps them navigate their feelings.

5. “I know you didn’t mean to hurt anyone.”

Sometimes, children do act out of anger or frustration. Instead of excusing their behavior, it’s important to teach them accountability.

Instead of saying this phrase, try, “I understand you were upset, but hurting someone is not okay. Let’s find a better way to handle anger.” This encourages responsibility and emotional regulation.

6. “You are being ridiculous!”

Children look up to their parents for validation. When they express emotions and are met with dismissal, they start to believe that their feelings don’t matter.

Instead of shutting them down, parents can ask, “Can you tell me why you feel this way?” This encourages emotional intelligence and strengthens the parent-child bond.

7. “Okay, you stay here—I’m leaving!”

Using abandonment as a threat can create deep-seated insecurity in children. It may make them anxious and fearful of being left alone.

A more effective way to handle resistance is to say, “We need to leave now. Would you like to walk with me, or should I carry you?” This gives them a sense of choice rather than making them feel powerless.

8. “Hurry up!”

Young children don’t fully grasp the concept of time. Rushing them with, “Hurry up!” only adds stress and frustration.

Instead, try, “Let’s see how fast we can get ready together!” Turning the process into a game makes it fun and motivating.

9. “Don’t make me do this!”

This phrase suggests that a child is responsible for a parent’s negative reaction, creating unnecessary guilt. It also teaches them that their actions control how others feel, which can lead to people-pleasing tendencies in adulthood.

A better way to set boundaries is to say, “I don’t like yelling. Let’s figure out how we can fix this calmly.”

10. “What’s wrong with you?”

A child internalizes words deeply. When asked this question in a moment of frustration, they may genuinely start believing that something is wrong with them.

A more compassionate approach would be, “I see you’re having a tough time. Let’s talk about what’s going on.” This reassures them instead of making them question their self-worth.

11. “Did you have a good day today?”

While this seems like an innocent question, it limits a child’s response to either yes or no. If they had a tough day, they may not feel comfortable sharing.

A better alternative would be, “What was the best part of your day? What was something that challenged you?” This encourages deeper conversations and openness.

12. “I don’t know how we’re going to pay the bills this month.”

Financial stress can be overwhelming, but children should not be burdened with adult worries. Exposing them to financial struggles can create anxiety and fear about their future security.

Instead, reassure them with, “We are working through some things, but everything will be okay.”

13. “Sharing is caring.”

While teaching generosity is important, forcing children to share teaches them that their feelings don’t matter. It can also lead to resentment.

A better way to encourage sharing is to say, “Would you like to take turns with your friend?” This respects their autonomy while still promoting kindness.

14. “Sit straight! Don’t slouch!”

Constantly nagging a child about their posture or habits can make them feel like they’re never good enough. Instead of policing them, parents should encourage self-awareness by saying, “Keeping a straight posture helps you feel more confident and strong!”

Words hold immense power, especially when spoken to children. The way parents communicate shapes their child’s emotional intelligence, confidence, and relationships in the future.

By replacing negative or dismissive phrases with encouragement and understanding, parents create a healthier, more supportive environment. It’s not about being a perfect parent—it’s about being a mindful one.

Children deserve to be heard, respected, and guided with love. By choosing words carefully, parents can help them grow into resilient, confident, and emotionally secure individuals.