Becoming a new parent is an emotional rollercoaster. It’s filled with excitement, joy, and immense love—but also exhaustion, self-doubt, and pressure. And while family members often mean well, their unsolicited advice can sometimes do more harm than good.

Older generations tend to make offhand comments about parenting, comparing modern methods to the way they raised their children. Unfortunately, these remarks—no matter how well-intentioned—can undermine a new parent’s confidence and make them feel judged.

Let’s explore some of the most common toxic comments made by older generations, why they can be damaging, and what should be said instead.

Toxic Comments That Undermine New Parents

“Your baby isn’t talking much—are you sure everything is okay?”

Parents already worry about developmental milestones, and comments like this can create unnecessary anxiety. Babies grow at their own pace, and while concerns about speech development are valid, parents should not be pressured into worrying prematurely.

✅ Supportive Alternative: “It’s amazing to see how babies develop in their own time. Every child is different!”

“We didn’t do it that way, and you turned out fine.”

This statement dismisses modern parenting practices and makes parents feel like they are overcomplicating things. Science and research have evolved, and many parenting techniques that were once common are now considered outdated.

✅ Supportive Alternative: “Parenting has changed so much since I raised kids! Tell me more about what you’ve learned.”

“Why are you still breastfeeding/bottle-feeding? Isn’t it time to stop?”

Whether a parent chooses breastfeeding or formula, how long they do it is a personal decision. Comments like this make parents feel judged and pressured into changing their choices.

✅ Supportive Alternative: “You’re doing a great job feeding your baby in a way that works for you.”

“You’re holding the baby too much—you’re spoiling them.”

This is an outdated myth. Responding to a baby’s needs fosters emotional security, not dependence. Babies thrive on affection, and there is no such thing as “spoiling” a newborn.

✅ Supportive Alternative: “Your baby is so lucky to have parents who show them so much love.”

“Back in my day, we didn’t have all these gadgets and parenting books.”

This dismisses the modern tools and resources that help new parents navigate parenthood. Instead of rejecting new information, older generations can acknowledge that parenting adapts and improves over time.

✅ Supportive Alternative: “I didn’t have those tools when I was raising kids—how do they help?”

“Let them cry it out—it’s good for their lungs.”

While some parents use sleep training, telling parents to ignore their baby’s cries contradicts modern research on infant care. Babies cry to communicate their needs, and ignoring them can be stressful for both parent and child.

✅ Supportive Alternative: “How’s the baby’s sleep going? It’s a big adjustment for everyone—let me know if I can help.”

“You’re not going back to work already, are you?”

Moms face enough pressure when deciding whether to stay home or return to work. This question implies that they are choosing work over their baby, which is unfair and guilt-inducing.

✅ Supportive Alternative: “It’s wonderful that you’re doing what’s best for your family.”

“You’re overreacting—it’s just a phase.”

Dismissing a parent’s concerns makes them feel unheard and invalidated. Even if the issue is temporary, a parent’s stress is real, and they deserve support, not dismissal.

✅ Supportive Alternative: “That sounds really tough. How can I support you?”

“A little chocolate won’t hurt the baby.”

Pressuring parents to introduce foods before they’re ready creates unnecessary stress. Parents know what’s best for their child and shouldn’t feel pressured into going against their instincts.

✅ Supportive Alternative: “You know your baby best—I’ll follow your lead on what’s best for them.”

“You look exhausted—you should rest more.”

While this is usually said out of concern, it often comes across as criticism rather than support. New parents know they’re tired; they don’t need to be reminded. What they need is help.

✅ Supportive Alternative: “You’ve been doing so much. Let me take over so you can get some rest.”

Even when spoken with good intentions, these comments can chip away at a parent’s confidence. Here’s why they can be damaging:

• They create doubt: New parents are already navigating unfamiliar territory. Critical comments make them second-guess their instincts.
• They add pressure: Parents feel like they have to justify their choices, which can be stressful and exhausting.
• They strain relationships: When older family members constantly criticize, it creates tension and emotional distance.

Instead of undermining new parents, family members should focus on offering support, encouragement, and reassurance.

Parenting has evolved, and while traditions hold value, it’s important for older generations to respect new approaches. Here’s how they can avoid overstepping and truly support new parents:

✔ Be open to change: Acknowledge that parenting techniques have evolved and be willing to learn and listen.
✔ Ask before advising: Instead of offering unsolicited advice, ask: “Would you like my opinion, or do you just need support?”
✔ Celebrate their efforts: Acknowledge how hard they’re working and express appreciation for their dedication.
✔ Offer help instead of criticism: Instead of pointing out what they’re doing wrong, ask how you can make things easier for them.

Still not convinced? Here are some real-life examples of how offhand remarks have affected new parents:

🔹 A mother of twins: Her own mother told her, “At least you don’t have stretch marks!” Instead of feeling supported, she felt invalidated in her struggles.

🔹 A recovering new mom: Just days after childbirth, her father-in-law commented, “You need to tie down your stomach.” Already struggling with postpartum recovery, this remark only added to her emotional burden.

🔹 A mom pressured to stop breastfeeding: Her in-laws repeatedly asked, “How long are you going to keep breastfeeding?” The pressure made her second-guess a personal decision that should have been entirely her own.

🔹 A friend who made things worse: A new mom’s friend asked, “Are you upset about the weight gain?” just days after she had given birth. Instead of support, she received unwanted judgment.

New parents should never feel guilty about setting boundaries with family members who overstep. One father shared how he prioritized his wife’s well-being during pregnancy, firmly setting limits on negative comments.

Though it caused temporary tension, it protected their family’s peace, proving that sometimes, standing up for your parenting choices is necessary.

Parenting is hard enough without judgment. New parents need support, not criticism. By choosing words carefully and offering empathy instead of unsolicited advice, family members can create an encouraging and loving environment.

So next time you feel the urge to compare your parenting experience to today’s methods, stop and ask:

👉 Am I offering advice, or am I undermining their confidence?

Because at the end of the day, every parent deserves to feel supported, respected, and celebrated for doing their best.